Nice guys finish last, that's why I don't race...

Its been awhile since I've last blogged, I've been busy the past few weeks, but today I just had to let go of a few thoughts.

My weekend was pretty ok, but once tuesday hit, I realized it was a new day. Id describe what my heart is feeling, and what my soul is experiencing, but my brain can't find the words to say.

You ever get to the point when you just can't hear "I'm Sorry" anymore. When you abhor evry word that comes out of a persons mouth. To where you've been through so many rediculous ups and downs, and you realize your tired of theme parks and roller coasters.

I'm so tired of bs and stress. Upset behind anothers actions. I may not be that old physically, but mentally and emotionally I'm way beyond my years. All the cares, all the tears, its taking a toll. My 25 is feeling like a weary 46, and everyday I find myself asking the same question, "Why"...

I'm bleeding love, and right now I'd give anything to switch places with the Tin Man. Kanye had the right idea when he went heartless, and if I had my way it would be the coldest year ever. 

Its wrong to let people influence or change who you are, this I know, but maybe its time for the old me to go. Or maybe its time to let go of everyone I know. Burn old bridges, and prepare my foundation for the structures of tomorrow.

For the longest I've been filled with sorry. I have the tendency to put others first, always letting the needs of those "in need" come before my own. Forever helping and assisting, but who has my back, comes to my aid. If I were a shade id have forseen the coming of the dawn and took appropriate measures to protect myself from and avoid problems.

Do you know how to save a life, cause I could sure use a hand. No, I'm not gonna do anything stupid like take my life, it still needs saving none the less. I'm down to my last breathe, the air is so thick around me, surrounding me. It feels like a hurricane and all the pain is the rain. This is chinese water torture, all these drops on my face, in my place. I try to ride towards the sun, but this weather blows all my attempts away.

I feel like I need to cry but I hold it in. I won't let you hurt me, you already have, so I won't let you see that you hurt me. I know who I am, what I deserve. My ego isn't gonna let me settle. Its too big, and this bs isn't bigger than my will. Ill survive, strive, and continue to thrive. If you know me that shouldn't be a surprise.

Tomorrow I'll be ok, but for today I'll say: lifes a bitch, so be careful what you do. If you loose a good man, that man will be forever lost to you.

Thanks for listening, or reading. I just needed to vent.